It’s high drama at the OC Corral, which on this week’s episode of “The Real Housewives of Orange County” comes at cocktail hour in housewife Emily Simpson’s backyard.
You see, there’s been trouble a-brewin’ between housewives Heather Dubrow and Shannon Storms Beador over that thing Shannon did that, like, totally ruined Heather’s $36,000 dinner party a few episodes earlier.
It’s time for a showdown, and Emily is happy to set up the confrontation, dragging Heather, dressed in black, over to Shannon, dressed in white, for an awkward stare-down before escorting them to her courtyard for a bit of privacy in which to face off.
“I’m the (dummy) that didn’t think,” Shannon says as she begins yet another apology to Heather. “And in the interim, I hurt my friend. And I never wanted to do that.
“What I did was wrong, but it’s not me,” she finished.
“My turn?” Heather icily replies. “Nothing is going to change my mind. I think you had a huge lapse in judgment.
“And I’m going to say this, and I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but this is how I feel,” she continues. “If you ever come after me or my family ever again, you’re going to lose a lot more than just my friendship.
“I’m not saying this as a threat. I’m saying it as a promise.”
The real loser in all of this, of course, is Shane, Emily’s husband; he’s the honoree at the party she was throwing to celebrate that, after 18 years since leaving law school, he’d passed the bar exam.
Poor Shane even saw this coming and was helpless to stop it.
“Please do not bring this up at the party,” he’d asked Emily at dinner with housewife Gina Kirschenheiter and her boyfriend Travis a night or two earlier. “This is a disaster.”
Oh, Shane. Four seasons into your “Real Housewives” career, and you still don’t really know what this show is all about, do you?
Let’s quickly hit the other highlights of the night:
• We see Gina yelling at a fly in her kitchen, something that she assures Travis would not happen in her native New York.
“You don’t have flies in New York?” he asks, reasonably.
“We have flies, but they’re appropriate,” Gina replies. “Like, they’re on like garbage and on (stuff). They’re not like in your food in your house.”
The fly, we should note, was on Gina’s charcuterie board — the third time she’s been shown with one in two weeks. (Last week, we speculated upon the influence Big Sprout, but were we missing the encroachment of Shifty Charcuterie?)
• Heather visits housewife Dr. Jen Armstrong and the shirt-free zone that is Jen’s husband Ryne.
“We got a letter from our old school,” Jen tells Heather. “The moms feel uncomfortable that he doesn’t wear shirts to drop off.”
• Housewife Noella Bergener continues to reel over last week’s divorce news.
She goes to lunch with friend Nicole James, who unwisely encourages Noella to drink glass after glass of tequila, resulting in the kind of sobs that would attract attention in a restaurant even if a TV crew wasn’t there to catch every teardrop.
• Gina and Travis meet Emily and Shane for dinner. Gina is hungry and happy to accept the waitress’s suggestion of an ahi poke stack to start.
“And,” she adds, though you almost know what she’s about to say. “…the charcuterie.”